Monday, November 12, 2012

My Heart has Seen the Ages

My heart has seen the ages
Flicking past
Like a passenger on a train.
The blur of trees and towns
Kings and queens
Castles and skyscrapers
Until nothing is certain anymore.
As a part of me, it wanders
Like a villain
Through these timelines
Never waking.
A somnambulist
Forever dreaming
Of what it let die.

Hannah and the Halo of Stars

  When I was in kindergarten, first grade, and second and third, there was one girl that I hated more than anyone else. Her name was Hannah, and I remember that because she would make a big deal out of the fact that it was the same backwards and forwards. She was the biggest know-it-all you could ever imagine. She would spell the word “exasperation” at you until you obeyed her command. She was snotty and unkind, and she never had any time for me.
One Friday out of every single month, our school would sell crowns made of star garland, with curled ribbon hanging from the back. I wanted one of these more than anything, but they cost one WHOLE dollar, and my mother refused to give me the money, on the grounds that I wouldn't know what to do with it once I got it home.
Now Hannah got one of these crowns every time they were sold, and I would watch her with extreme jealousy as she walked down to the buses, her golden curls bouncing and mingling with the different colored ribbons. I wanted so much just to BE her, to spell with confidence, to know everything, to wear the beautiful star halo, and to have those luscious curls to mix with the ribbons trailing from the back.
One day I found a discarded star crown on the ground, and I carried it home, keeping it safe in my room. It was my little secret from the world, this small peace of Hannah that I got to copy and have for my self. A while into third grade, or maybe it was fourth, Hannah moved away, and I became the smartest person in class. I didn't have the curls, or the money for a star halo every month, but I still found myself with a joy that was all my own. I don't remember what happened to that star crown that I stowed away, but I wish I could wear it every single day.  

The Chronicles of Spencer

These are a collection of stream of consciousness written poems about a boy that I liked in high school. I just dug them up and decided to share them here. 

I think I love you
I think I love you
I think I love you
But you will never love me
I am invisible to you
You will never notice my face
I will write a thousand poems
Burning through and through
But you will never notice
And less still will you care.

I will haunt you from the shadows
A ghost you never see
But you will never love me
No you will NEVER love ME
I must get this through my head
I must get this through my heart
You will never want me
In this same way

Oh God my darling
A god you are to me
But you will never see me
No you can never know
I am so heartbroken
I just really really want you
Come to me

But you never will
That is not my life.
I am a pathetic sea creature
While you roam the lands

Oh my Prince, dearest prince
I forgot I was unworthy of your grace
All I wanted was to know you
And you whipped yourself out of my grasp
I wouldn't have tried to taint your soul
And you could have told me
If you had a problem
Instead of just pulling away passively.
And now these words I say with dear dear love.
“Fuck you. I will now pine more.”
I know I said I loved you,
But I think that I was wrong.